I am running a Michelin-star outdoor café for tiny plummed tyrants.
January 23, 2026
I placed an order in Instacart, and while doing so, I saw they had a new kind of bird feed. I decided to order. Let me tell you their reactions.
Phase 1: Suspicion & Outrage
They circled the feeder, cocked their heads, and stared:
“Excuse me? What is this foreign import?”
One brave bird pecked exactly one seed, then retreated dramatically.
Expect judgment. Deep, personal judgment.
Phase 2: Selective Snobbery
They ate only the most expensive components (sunflower hearts, peanuts),
dropping the rest like trash on a yacht deck.
Anything they didn’t immediately recognize was flicked away with disdain.
One bird acted as the food critic, sampling and approving while others waited.
Phase 3: Weaponized Complaints
Loud chirping that clearly translates to:
“We did not ASK for an upgrade.”
Repeated looks toward the house.
Pecking the feeder harder than necessary.
Phase 4: Secret Acceptance
The feeder was emptying faster than usual.
Fewer leftovers on the ground (because—fine—it is better).
But they NEVER thank me.
Instead, they will now expect this forever.
Phase 5: Dependency
I know that if I miss one day they will assemble outside like a union. Has happened before. I bought excellent seed (no millet, no corn = chef’s kiss 🌻), and my birds :
Pretended they hated it,Secretly loved it
Immediately raised their standards!